Riding the waves of pain

Hawaiian surfing culture


Riding the waves of pain

Ok, so as you can tell from the title –  no recovery stories to share yet. But I did realize this morning that, thank the Source of life, I’m alive, and so is my family. But, the gratitude, while authentic, soon fizzled out – submitting to the distraction of piercing electric shocks radiating down my left leg.

I’m realizing how challenging it is to separate my physical experience and spiritual path – to maintain focus on my soul’s mission to the degree that stabbing nerve pain drifts out of focus. I mean, it does make sense to me, and I believe that it’s the truth – but man it’s been hard to integrate.

You’d think that now with all this going on I’d have so much more to meditate on, to communicate with the Source with – truth is I’ve been slacking on hitbodidut (active personal meditative reflection and communication with the Source) even before this happened. I now seem to gravitate more toward long meditative periods of focus on my pain – which really doesn’t seem too wise – seems like something that an adversarial force would lure me into. It’s like obsessively tracking a future storm or watching the same loop of news over and over.

Something just occurred to me.

As we’ve learned, we were created with the ability to – through our actions – stimulate the flow of Divine benevolence. One who wants Divine compassion in their life will express compassion to another. One who wants relief from pain in their life will try to help alleviate another’s pain. One who wants deeper connection to the Source – especially during painful experiences – will work on that connection rigorously.

So what does all this mean to me, now?

I need to look for opportunities to be compassionate towards others, attempt to help alleviate other people’s pain and anxieties, and commit to longer periods of daily hitbodidut – to get reconnected with the Source.

The compassion toward others should help clear the blockages and expand my bandwidth to usher in Divine benevolence – and the hitbodidut should stimulate the flow of higher perception, dropping clues to uncover the purpose of my pain – and hopefully, retire it.

Look, this is all a live and learn process. What I have certainty in, is that nothing happens to us for no reason.  The key is to apply our wisdom in real time – to maintain faith no matter what – so that when we eventually re-emerge, we can come up stronger – better equipped for the next test. And, thank the Source for tests – these custom catered opportunities to grow and achieve greater heights. Life would be pointless without them.

Well, thanks for letting me vent. I now have a plan. Off to an hour of hitbodidut.  I’ll keep you posted.

Shavua tov (have a great week),


Riding the waves of pain

5 thoughts on “Riding the waves of pain

  1. Miriam says:

    Etan, I admire your spiritual resilience which remains unshaken! On a more mundane level, what does your doctor say is wrong? Just out of curiosity, what are the healing and holistic paths you’ve taken? I am just wondering because one of my niece’s has a terrible back problem and started acupuncture after exhausting other treatments methods but then stopped when her doctor suggested a new treatment. It ultimately made matters worse. What has been your experience with non-western medicine or treatment?


    1. Hey Miriam. Herniated disc L5/S1. Tried almost all the holistic paths – as well as the western paths. Some more helpful than others. Most effective path was Dr. John Sarno’s book, Healing Back Pain, which links back pain to tension caused by the repression of painful subconscious emotions – and advises how, through understanding the process, to break the cycle of pain. It’s worked very well for me in the past and I’m reading his books again now. I’d strongly suggest it. E


  2. EMG says:

    Any chance our protagonist’s point of view and beliefs will evolve along with the journey? Maybe it’s a mistake to come to life and its challenges with too many preconceived notions especially when those notions come from someone else who heard it from someone else who heard it from someone else. Or as a friend once put it, “Better to let life teach us instead of us trying to teach it.”


  3. Kent Berthold says:

    Hi Etan,

    Wishing you a painless future. It pains us to hear of your discomfort. Wishing you only the best with all our hearts. We love you so much, SON! Luvu, Mom and PK


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