From the depths I call out
Here I am on the floor at Newark Airport JetBlue gate 17A – waiting to board a flight to Florida.
The back pain has gotten more intense. Today it’s been non-stop, peaking while checking in bags after a 30 min car ride of torturous lower back compression. I’m at a steady 9.9 on the pain scale.
Pain has a way of testing your faith. After its annihilated your patience and inner peace it’s next opponent is you – to break you from faith. To show you the beautiful view of doubt from the edge of the cliff.
Even after we see the sea split for us, we are destined to experience test after test of our faith. And each time the test feels special. “Maybe this is the one that requires surgery?”, “maybe the Dr. Sarno wisdom is very helpful but not for everyone in every situation?”, are the thoughts rummaging through my certainty. I feel like I’m just waiting for a sudden burst of enlightenment and joy to overcome me – to be back to normal having made it through this test. My kids look at me keeled over, out of the corners of their eyes, offering to help carry things, worried about me.
So here I am on the ground writing this post.
My phone just rang…
Guess who just called me right at this moment? Yup, Rav Dror Moshe Ben Emanuelah Cassouto – the lion of Emunah – my soul brother in Jerusalem – my light in this moment of darkness. And here’s what he told me:
The fact that you are in this condition is a sign that your prayers have already been answered. You are talking about connecting completely to the Source and elevating your physicality – and this is your opportunity – your invitation.
King David reached his level calling out from the depths – the lowest places – like the floor you are laying on now. We need to separate inside what we are going through physically and who we are spiritually – and focus on our spiritual being – who we really are. And when we fully perceive from the perspective of who we really are, we will be able to accomplish what we need to accomplish here, un-distracted and unaffected by the physical challenges.
Then he said to just smile and enjoy the ride.
Faith is all you can really hold onto when the whirlwinds come. When the shock to your identity hits and reality resets – what’s most important to you flashes bright as vulnerability overtakes you.
A wise sage recently told me that since I started writing these posts, and sharing wisdom with others – I’ve become a ״guinea pig״ – given the opportunity to practice what I’ve been preaching and to share my process with others. When you share what you believe in, and you’re put to the test – it kinda forces you to exercise your faith. That’s what gives you the power to go further, to merit coming closer to the Source and to have higher levels of wisdom to offer.
Well, with help from the Source, I hope to soon be sharing stories of recovery – but in the meantime, thanks to all of you who have reached out and shared your love and concern – I’m gonna keep digging deeper to uncover the subconscious sources of tension behind this pain – but in the meantime, I’ll take my brother’s advice and just smile and enjoy the ride.
May this Shabbat bring increased faith to all those who are in constriction – strength to those who are battling with challenge to dig deep and remember the ultimate purpose – where we are going – who we are. Eternal souls.
Blessed and grateful,