Conflict resolution through mercy
The Source created a space for us to have free will. This is called the tzimtzum – a “contraction” of the Creator’s infinite light in order to allow for a “conceptual space” in which finite and seemingly independent realms could exist.
In the image above, the tzimtzum is the line coming down from the top and represents the limitless pleasure and Divine goodness that we were created to experience – an experience bestowed to creation from a place of unconditional love and pure giving – as there is no need to receive in our Divine Source.
The tzimtzum is the root of all spiritual principals discussed in the kabbalah. The kabalistic principal of tzimtzum explains that it is only in the consciousness of pure giving that we can be receptive to the experience of the Creator’s goodness. A basic idea of the tzimtzum is that the limitless pleasure and Divine experience that we were created to experience, is only revealed to the extent that we become similar to our Source and manifest the desire to give.
Mimicking the Source, we need to give others the space to be who they are – accepting them for who they are – offering the space for them to express their free will.
We often times try to manipulate, change and impose our will on others. This can create conflict between our wills. This conflict leads to questions we create and face – “do I reprimand my child for this behavior?” – “do we part ways because of this problem?” – “do we go to war over this issue?”
There is a place for others in the world. We are all connected as a part of One. Similar to our individual body, with all of our bones, organs and cells – this universe is one body made up of all of us.
Imposing our will on others, or demanding honor from a child can create a separation of wills.
We are taught that anyone who runs after honor, honor runs away from him.
Interaction with others is a dance– where our buttons are pushed and we push their buttons.
In any type of conflict, especially with a child, it is helpful to learn to become a master of the diffuse button – to try to validate the others feelings of being upset rather than digging our heels in and enforcing our will upon them.
This transforms the defending of our identity – our need to receive from them the response we seek, into becoming a tool for their transformation. This brings duality back to unity.
Otherwise, through conflict, we are only emboldening our child’s external self – hardening their ego to protect their perceived identity in the world.
To the extent to which we are caring only about ourselves, there is disconnection from the goodness. To the extent to which we are trying to truly care for others, there is connection to goodness.
By aligning our actions with the attributes of the Source, we can overcome our impulse to react when our identity seems threatened by another. We can bring unity into an episode of conflicting wills. Here are the 13 Divine Attributes with which the Source governs the world:
1. Compassion before a person errs
2. Compassion after a person errs
3. Compassion to give all creatures according to their need
4. Merciful, that all others may not be distressed
5. Gracious, if others are already in distress
6. Slow to anger
7. Plenteous in kindness
8. Plenteous in truth
9. Keeping kindness unto the multitudes
10. Forgiving iniquity
11. Forgiving transgression
12. Forgiving errors
Through living these attributes, we partake of the abundant wellsprings of Divine mercy prepared for us and effect the flow of Divine favor and grace through ourselves to others.This is the elixir to conflict and duality of wills.